LEAVING THE SHITHOLE
So I am not really all that sad about moving out of this apartment I have called home for the last 2 years or so (The afforementioned shithole). In fact, I have been counting down the days until I can be alone in my own space and have my things the way I like and be closer to more cool stores and food and the lake and oh, how I wish it was June 30th and I could just get this over with already!
Tonight, though, I am alone in the shithole, trying to organize the boxes and pack, and it's kind of a little wee teeny tiny itty bitty bit...sad. Just because everything is all over the place and dirty and empty-ish. I don't really want to be here right now. And I don't want to go anywhere either.
I guess I am restless for some reason. Anxious? Could be. I start the next chapter of my career life on Wednesday--my orientation for Massage Therapy training. A little nervous. A little excited. A little overwhelmed.
And my job is often taxing daily so add that to the frey, and the big stupid shitty exam I am studying for (for said taxing job) and my energy levels are all over the place.
These three issues (moving, massage, investment test) are all I can think of, all I can say. And I know my poor friends are probably missing the interesting conversation I used to be good for, and wishing I would finish bitching about investments and stocks, or school loans or how heavy the box I packed last night was. But how do I turn off my mind to all the things lurking around the corner? (both good and bad?) I can't, so I am often distant, distracted, tired, nervous.
I think I just need to get through the next...oh...month or so, and then maybe, just maybe, I will start to feel normal again.
I freakin hope so!
Anyway back to the shithole. I won't miss it. I will miss it being around the corner from the boy. I will miss being 3 blocks closer to the "L." I will miss the porch. That is about it. All the rest I can do without. So as long as everything goes off without too much trouble, I will be in a much better place.
Two more weeks.
And in the meantime, study every chance you get. (BORING! ARGH!)
And also, start learning a new craft. Massage. And study for that too. Every other chance you get.
And feel guilty because you just want a night to do nothing but sleep but you really should go to the gym.
And in the meantime, just breathe.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Friday, June 08, 2007
I rode my bike to work again today. Its my new thing. I love it.
I start the day with the wind in my face, sweat on my back, and I am proud and peaceful when my ride ends downtown in front of my looming, 47 story building. I like the feeling of walking in in a wife beater and jeans, helmet in hand, while all the saps in suits rush past me. I sneak into the bathroom and change into my slightly crumpled slacks and blouse and become one of them, but only for 7.5 hours until I am free again. And on Friday, no less!
When the clock turns 5pm, I call a friend, and we meet in a bar that is hidden between buildings. There is a small staircase that leads to the underground secret, and we split a pitcher of Miller Light while eating the free buffet of pizza and bad ribs. We laugh about pop culture and life, and then I am off again, the evening open and free. I ride along side the L train, trying to race it, always losing. I stop at a red light and a man walks up to tell me in his thick accent that I am "a good rider. You ride fast! You are good." I blush, say thank you, and "have a nice weekend!" as I dart back into traffic, the taxis wizzing past me in their big hurries.
I have all the time in the world. The air is fresh and cool and the sun is shining and I am riding my bike past bars full of happy people drinking and eating outside, past Second City and Piper's Alley and Oz Park where the statue of the Tin Man grins and tips his hat to me.
All the way down my tree lined street that sometimes feels like a movie and I am riding the wrong way but no one even cares and everyone is smiling and going to wherever they plan to meet their friends and I park my bike and climb my stairs and sit on my porch while the sun fades behind the other buildings and I drink another beer while reading the paper. How lucky I am to have this quality of life. I am blessed and life is perfect today.
And it all starts when I ride my bike to work. It all starts with a morning of feeling alive and free.
I start the day with the wind in my face, sweat on my back, and I am proud and peaceful when my ride ends downtown in front of my looming, 47 story building. I like the feeling of walking in in a wife beater and jeans, helmet in hand, while all the saps in suits rush past me. I sneak into the bathroom and change into my slightly crumpled slacks and blouse and become one of them, but only for 7.5 hours until I am free again. And on Friday, no less!
When the clock turns 5pm, I call a friend, and we meet in a bar that is hidden between buildings. There is a small staircase that leads to the underground secret, and we split a pitcher of Miller Light while eating the free buffet of pizza and bad ribs. We laugh about pop culture and life, and then I am off again, the evening open and free. I ride along side the L train, trying to race it, always losing. I stop at a red light and a man walks up to tell me in his thick accent that I am "a good rider. You ride fast! You are good." I blush, say thank you, and "have a nice weekend!" as I dart back into traffic, the taxis wizzing past me in their big hurries.
I have all the time in the world. The air is fresh and cool and the sun is shining and I am riding my bike past bars full of happy people drinking and eating outside, past Second City and Piper's Alley and Oz Park where the statue of the Tin Man grins and tips his hat to me.
All the way down my tree lined street that sometimes feels like a movie and I am riding the wrong way but no one even cares and everyone is smiling and going to wherever they plan to meet their friends and I park my bike and climb my stairs and sit on my porch while the sun fades behind the other buildings and I drink another beer while reading the paper. How lucky I am to have this quality of life. I am blessed and life is perfect today.
And it all starts when I ride my bike to work. It all starts with a morning of feeling alive and free.
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