Fish out of water

So today I attended an interesting event where business owners spoke in front of other business owners about what is most important when owning a business. It was interesting overall but the audience seemed to mostly be filled with eager networkers hoping to connect with someone big. There was a hunger that was palpable. You could smell desperation on a few people who even tried to connect with me, only to realize I know nothing and no one that can benefit them.

Speaking of hunger, I just need to throw out there that that I was fed at this event. A lot. First it was sausage and breakfast burritos with homefries for breakfast. Then it was Caesar salad with chicken and rolls, followed by a giant piece of double chocolate cake. Are you kidding me, event people? My future wedding dress body thanks you for a load of nothing.

So once the salads came out and it was time to address which utensil to use, I suddenly found myself reaching for the tiny three-pronged fork resting horizontally above my plate. Luckily, I paused right as my etiquette brain rang a warning alarm. Abort mission! This was not my salad fork! This was to be my dessert fork, when the time was right to wolf down a whole lot of chocolate cake!

Thank goodness I caught myself and found the proper fork to use before the bigwig I was sitting with noticed my incorrect intuition. I already felt like an ass for various self-conscious reasons (including my constant struggles with networking and small talk in general, which were truly put to the test today, let me tell ya). I really did not need to add "formal dining etiquette moron" to the list.

Does anyone else have trouble with such (in my opinion) trivial things that suddenly seem like the most important thing in the world at the time? I mean, as a rule, things like which fork to use just seem like such a waste of time for me to care about. But when it comes to impressing people, especially people I don't know well, I just turn into this uber-concerned, overly cautious and insecure idiot due to things like that. It is such a completely opposite personality trait of mine that only comes up in weird formal situations like the one today, and when it does, I get so furious at myself later for caring.

I did use the small spoon meant for coffee to stir sugar (lots of it) into my ice tea. Does that count for easing up on these rules and not being so hard on myself about it all? I say yes. But mostly just to make myself feel better about being such a tool about things sometimes. It helps...I think.