LEAVING THE SHITHOLE


So I am not really all that sad about moving out of this apartment I have called home for the last 2 years or so (The afforementioned shithole). In fact, I have been counting down the days until I can be alone in my own space and have my things the way I like and be closer to more cool stores and food and the lake and oh, how I wish it was June 30th and I could just get this over with already!

Tonight, though, I am alone in the shithole, trying to organize the boxes and pack, and it's kind of a little wee teeny tiny itty bitty bit...sad. Just because everything is all over the place and dirty and empty-ish. I don't really want to be here right now. And I don't want to go anywhere either.

I guess I am restless for some reason. Anxious? Could be. I start the next chapter of my career life on Wednesday--my orientation for Massage Therapy training. A little nervous. A little excited. A little overwhelmed.

And my job is often taxing daily so add that to the frey, and the big stupid shitty exam I am studying for (for said taxing job) and my energy levels are all over the place.

These three issues (moving, massage, investment test) are all I can think of, all I can say. And I know my poor friends are probably missing the interesting conversation I used to be good for, and wishing I would finish bitching about investments and stocks, or school loans or how heavy the box I packed last night was. But how do I turn off my mind to all the things lurking around the corner? (both good and bad?) I can't, so I am often distant, distracted, tired, nervous.

I think I just need to get through the next...oh...month or so, and then maybe, just maybe, I will start to feel normal again.

I freakin hope so!

Anyway back to the shithole. I won't miss it. I will miss it being around the corner from the boy. I will miss being 3 blocks closer to the "L." I will miss the porch. That is about it. All the rest I can do without. So as long as everything goes off without too much trouble, I will be in a much better place.

Two more weeks.

And in the meantime, study every chance you get. (BORING! ARGH!)

And also, start learning a new craft. Massage. And study for that too. Every other chance you get.

And feel guilty because you just want a night to do nothing but sleep but you really should go to the gym.

And in the meantime, just breathe.