FLASHBACK

Every once in a while you get hit with a little something that takes you back a few steps in the progression of your life, and forces you to reflect on things a bit.

Myspace is really good at doing that for people, so I have been told. But really, besides the occasional random person that finds me, and me getting excited to stalk them for a bit via their page and see how much better or suckier their lives are (or appear to be) than mine, I haven't had too many "whoa" moments.

So this one threw me off quite a bit.

I used to date a guy in high school. He was 23 and I was 17. Ew, right? But strangely, at the time, I swear it seemed OK. Even my hardcore Catholic mother dealt with it plesantly. It was weird.

Anyway it was this great love I had to let go right at its height because I went away to college, and really, who keeps a long distance relationship (that lasts) when they start college? Eventually it was bound to unravel.

Well, I am not so good at the letting go of things I enjoy, so I guess it all sorta drug itself out a bit too long and a bit too dramatically and what not. Lots of crying, late night talking, hurt feelings, holding on, being mean, etc. On both our parts.

For some reason this person affected me very deeply. I thought we were soul mates or something and I worried that I would lose him forever, yadda yadda. It was hard on my 17-18 year old brain and heart. I think I got about as psycho as I have ever gotten for a guy. Truly. When I look back, I laugh at how ridiculous I was. Driving down the street I THINK he might live onso I can find his house and leave notes on his car? Get a life, sister!

Many valuable lessons were (I hope) learned from this experience. But it did take me about 5 years to get over this individual, due to this ability he has to contact me out of the blue and tell me he is thinking of me and blah blah blah. I was usually in a bad place mentally or something when he, like clockwork, would call and blather on about "thoughts of me" and such. This happened about once every couple of years from 17 to about 23 or so.

Finally, I think he got married and ran off to some other part of the country and had babies. I didn't hear from him for quite a while, and my "getting over it" gene finally kicked in.

So now comes myspace.

And I guess it was inevitable.

He messaged me today. So weird. Luckily, I am not in a bad place mentally this time. Quite the opposite. I was just discussing my very awesome future with the boy, and feel so lucky and in love even after 2 years and hopeful for the future and excited to grow even more with him by my side.

And you know what?

I was shocked, and emotions and memories hit me, and then I settled into the feeling, embraced it, and am writing about it now, which always helps.

And I don't have that old feeling I used to get when he contacted me way back when. I have a healthy curiosity and amusement about it. But no secret feelings of "what if?"

I am so happy where I am at in life and who I get to spend it with, that there is no draw towards this person who used to have such a hold on my heart.

I am glad he contacted me now, because it gave me a chance to realize how far I have come from where I used to be.

I am doing just fine.