Case of Nerves

I haven't really written much about this but I am going on a Blind Friend Date tonight. That's right. A blind date with a twist--she is a woman with whom I hope to strike up a friendship. Long story short, I read an article she wrote about making friends as you get older and finding that special someone that is local. We all have good friends in the towns we have moved out of or from grade school or college or whatever, but how many of us find that person locally you can call any time to gab or share news or go out on the town for a drink? I identified with her take on this issue and realized she was in Chicago. A few clicks on the ole web led me to her website bio and I simply took a chance and emailed her an invitation to go on a friend date and see if we gel. She accepted and tonight is the night we meet up.

I have been talking about my lack of "go-to" women in my life for a while now. Chicago has graced me with many diverse types of people with which to hang out. And some are better than close acquaintances for sure. However I have not felt particularly connected with anyone the way I did/do with my old best friends from my past. I don't have that feeling that I could call at any time and not feel like I was imposing, or if I needed to have a quick drink, she would know I did not mean an all night affair and she would  take time out of her busy schedule to have one with me and lend me her ear for an hour, no questions asked. I know it takes time for that to develop. But without making time, how do we cultivate these types of relationships?

There is also the element of just being at the same place mentally/emotionally that I seem to lack with most people. I am 30, about to be married, and still soul searching for some more meaning in life and my career. I like to philosophize but also like talking about stupid celeb gossip. I am not very girlie and  not good at small talk. Seems simple for someone like me to connect with people that are like-minded. But it has proven harder than I thought.

Currently, I have been indulging in a new fun plan with one of my dearest (and farthest away) friends--to have a phone date complete with webcams and beers to help chase away the feeling that we are too far away to be close anymore. It has been a great addition to my life and I cherish the time spent gabbing and laughing like we used to. It has numbed the sometimes devastating feeling that I won't ever have that sort of friendship again.

But tonight...

Tonight I make the attempt to meet a complete stranger and see if we hit it off in that way you do when it's "right" between two people. And I am pretty nervous. Like "job interview" nervous. Which is totally silly. Because who cares if we hit it off? There are millions of people in Chicago who could potentially "get" me the way best friends do.

I just don't get the chance to try for that connection too often. And my blind date friend seems like a very nice person I would like to know. And I have no idea what I will say or what we will talk about. So it is a little nerve-wracking, you know? What if she decides we don't have a spark? And what if I think we do? That would be awkward. All I can do is be myself and know there is a mutual camaraderie in the fact that we are even brave enough to do this. And maybe that will be enough to spark hours (if not months, years, lifetimes) of conversation and goodwill between us.

I will keep you posted on how it all pans out, good or bad.