Senior Moment

A few weeks ago, I was forever touched by the kindness of (mostly) strangers.

My fiance Adam has worked for an affordable housing building for Senior Citizens for as long as I have known him, so at least 6 years and counting. His work there is often challenging and involves a lot of his energy and patience as he works to get poor elderly people into affordable apartments so that they can live comfortably off their sometimes very meager retirement or social security checks. He has been instrumental in helping elevate these seniors' quality of life. Based on the amount of gifts and baked goods he brings home from work during Christmas every year, I know that these folks really appreciate him and his efforts to help them in any way he can.

I had the chance to witness with my own eyes just how loved Adam is at his senior building when they insisted on throwing us a wedding shower. Adam tried to decline the generous offer, but the seniors would not have it. They were so excited to celebrate with us, and they had been planning this event for months. There was no stopping this party train.

We arrived at the apartment building around 630pm and everyone was already in the common room waiting for us. They had decorated the room with orange since that is our wedding color, which was very thoughtful of them. They even had a beautiful cake with orange flowers that had our names on it (along with various other delicious desserts). The potluck spread of food was impressive, as was the mountain of cards spilling out of a white basket we were presented with upon our arrival.

Everyone seemed overjoyed to see us and clapped when we came in the room. I felt like a rock star. They were all staring at me because everyone knew of me, but not everyone had actually met me or even seen me before. They were all very curious to see who Adam would be marrying. It was a bit like being sized up by a million protective grandparents. But that did not last long. After we made the rounds and Adam introduced me to each table of old folks, their wary stares melted into kind smiles of approval. Whew! Thank goodness I can hold my own with group of strangers. It was still intimidating but I think I aced the introductions.

After meeting everyone, we were escorted to our own little table in the back of the room and it was announced that the "program" would begin. They had planned a little something fun and theatrical for us! I was touched that so much thought had gone into the evening's festivities. I settled into my squeaky old folding chair for the show.

First, a lovely old woman named Win used her walker to steady herself as she stood up. Adam had told me about her and her long history in the theatre, so I knew we were in for a treat. Win welcomed everyone and said some very sweet things about Adam and our upcoming wedding, and then she paused and took a deep breath, and began to sing.

Her voice was the kind that you could tell was stunning and strong back in the day, but now had that sort of warble that gave it character and history the way older ladies' voices often do when you hear them at church. The song was a slow, old-timey love song and it totally took me aback with its beauty. I felt like I was transformed to another era. Tears immediately threatened to fall from the corners of my eyes, and I had to squeeze Adam's hand tightly to keep it together. I could not have all these strangers see me crying. No one could know how greatly this affected me. Especially because what was tripping me out the most was just the strange sadness I felt while watching this wonderful old lady sing a song from the past that meant a lot to her and everyone in that room.

Side note--I get really emotional about old age in general. I used to fear getting older and eventually not being able to take care of myself.  I find the idea of losing your mind and having no idea you lost it and your loved ones watching you waste away, the single most terrifying thing I could ever imagine.
When I met Adam,  suddenly old age did not seem so scary anymore. Not with him by my side. So I am doing better grappling with the idea of getting old. But I still get a little ache in my heart when I see old people struggling through this life, trying to make do with a slowly deteriorating body. Okay, enough about that.

So Win was singing this song, and the old folks were all listening intently, caught up in their own reveries about times past and what the song meant to them. It was a wonderful moment. And some tears definitely escaped down my cheeks but I caught them before they were too noticeable (I think. I hope!)
When the song trailed off at the end, a round of applause erupted. Win seemed pleased with her performance. She inched back over to her seat using the walker.

The next part of the "program" involved a little Improv, which Adam is known for because of his time spent in the Chicago Improv Comedy scene with his group Dirty Water. The seniors decided to come up with little phrases about Adam and I and our impending wedding in Riviera Maya, Mexico. It was a little random and I am pretty sure they wrote down the lines they wanted to say, but it was really cute to see people popping up from their chairs all over the room to say a quick little something about us. So freaking sweet.

Next, they passed out sheets of paper with the lyrics to two more songs, and we all sang them together. I remember one was an old song called Daisy Bell with the words changed a little to reflect our wedding on the beach. A nice older-hippie-looking woman accompanied our singing on her guitar. This was another really special moment I will never forget. Especially because they know Adam and I ride our bikes around Chicago a lot, and the lyrics of Daisy Bell mention the "bicycle built for two." Very sweet. I resisted a second round of tears.

After that, some seniors stood up and read little statements and advice they had prepared. Wise words from people who knew about real love, and real struggles, I am sure. I wanted to run up and hug all of them for their thoughtfulness.

Then we ate from the wonderful pot luck spread they had prepared and Adam gave a speech about how thankful we were for their generosity. He shared with them all how marriages have changed since their day, and they laughed and balked at some traditions that have gone astray since then (like how you can have your buddy marry you if he goes online and becomes an ordained minister, or how you can substitute cupcakes for wedding cake, etc.) His speech was a big hit and everyone beamed at him like he was their own grandson. When he was done, they all started shouting at me to say something. "We want to hear from her too!" I was up for the challenge and managed to keep my voice from cracking as I thanked them all for being so kind to us.

We ate some of the delicious cake to top off the wonderful evening. All in all, it was great time. We collected all the gifts and cards (!) they had given us, and hopped in a cab feeling amazed at how lovely it all was. Later, at home, we opened each card and marveled at the kindness of these people who hardly have enough money to live comfortably. How could they just shower us with gifts like this? Some gave us gift cards, some actual gifts they made or purchased, some people passed along straight cash. We were shocked. It was a very humbling moment.

I realized that this time in our lives is truly one of the most special times we will ever experience. People will be excited for us and want to know all about our plans for marriage and shower us with attention and gifts and well-wishes, and we will feel so incredibly special. And in an instant, it will be gone, and regular old life will make its way back to us. Which is perfect, because then we get to remember how generous people were to us, and we get to be excited to do the same for the next people we know who are in the special time of their lives. And the cycle continues. These old people probably remembered when they got married, and how incredibly well they were treated during that time, and wanted to be a part of that for us. And they really were.

I am amazed and honored to have had the experience of the shower these seniors threw for us. As someone who has not had living grandparents for quite sometime, it was so wonderful to feel like I got to have a room full of grandparents celebrating my marriage. I miss my Grandpa Jack and Grandma Genevieve, who passed away many years ago, and I wish they could have been here for my wedding. But being there in that room surrounded by a sea of elderly faces, I felt their presence. I felt their love. And the love of all these strangers, who became my surrogate grandparents for the night.