It had to happen eventually...

I knew one day I would have to pontificate about my thoughts on a particular subject that I have not mentioned in all 5 years (give or take) that I have had this blog. But now, since it is almost over, I feel the need (after about 1/3 of a bottle of wine) to express to you my feelings about something very dear to me.

LOST.

Yes friends. That show that everyone either loves (if they watch it) or hates to hear about (if they do not watch it). I am not going to try to theorize or anything (which reminds me--I have to remember to write down my personal guess as to which theory will unfold during the season finale before Sunday, per my watching-buddies' request. Yikes! Don't forget! And yes I am that nerdy), I just want to explore my intense feelings for this mind-blowing piece of American Entertainment.

When my fiance brought home the netflix of episode 1, season 1, I was mildly annoyed. I had been hearing about this show for like 2 seasons and I just did not get it (was not enlightened yet, as I will call it now). He watched it alone due to my indifference. He promptly told me I needed to watch it. That I would effing love it (or something to that effect). I decided to give it a shot.

The first episode was so intense I think I almost threw up. I have never been so moved by a television show before. Listen, I want to be straight right off the bat here--I DO NOT get "into" TV shows. During the 6 years I was in college, I think I saw a hand-full of episodes of TV shows. I never had or wanted cable TV, I was constantly reading at coffee shops or in school. No need for mindless devotion to my weekly "show" or whatever. So I had no concept of what is it to actually care about a plot line, let alone a whole TV show. This was something different. And it terrified me.

Adam and I, along with our close friend Jon, plowed through season 1 and 2, maybe even 3. I know at least 2 New Year's Days off were spent, in their entirety, watching episode after episode in our pajamas. We only broke the cycle to go get greasy take out food and bring it back so we could continue getting our fix. I remember distinctly, after 12 straight hours of LOST viewing, rolling around on the couch, saying "It's like my crack, man. I can't get enough!" And I meant it.

Maybe it was the mystery of it all. I am, by nature, an extremely curious person. I want to know everything about everything and everyone. I ask a lot of questions. I analyze till I am blue in the face. But with LOST, I got to know nothing. Oh sure, treats were thrown at me, but ultimately, I was constantly in a state of panic and analysis about what everything meant. It was glorious.

So as I mentioned before, I have not been an avid television watcher since probably 8th grade. Even now, I watch a minimal amount of TV. LOST accounts for about 45% of my viewing time, I would say. As a result of this being typical for me, I have never really gotten attached to a show before. This is all new to me. I used to laugh at my sister or my aunt, who would tape their favorite shows and not answer their phones because "my show is on.."  I thought it was absurd. Now?

I get it.

I totally get it.

LOST is MY SHOW. I care. I watch. I sit through stupid commercials. I read up online about it. I formulate theories. I LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF THIS SHOW. Yeah man. All caps. You heard me.

I treat the show like it is a separate entity. It's so weird. Never have I had this sort of attachment to a freaking television show. And it is now coming to an end. This weekend, Sunday to be exact, LOST will air the series finale. We have all known this day is coming since around circa 2007. But to have it actually be right around the corner is really surreal to me.

I mean, now that I finally gave in to my obsession with the show, it is time to say goodbye. I have invested a good 4-5 years of time, energy, and mind-power to this show and all its many facets. As Boyz to Men once said, "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday." It's true. LOST is like my homey I must tip my 40oz to.

I am not sure how I will react. I am pretty sure I will cry, since I already cry every time someone even breaks a finger nail in that show. But in terms of how I will fill the void the finale will leave in my life? Who knows. I will probably just go back to watching less TV. Which is a good thing, overall.

The thing about LOST is...it is a show about people who make sense. You got to see why they are the way they are, then see them act differently, or in line with themselves, depending on the situation. And isn't that how it really is in real life? People are lonely, looking for something, have daddy issues, can't get over something. It is all universal to us all. And they act out accordingly. Or overcome their tendencies. Seeing that is hard. But exquisitely beautiful.

I guess if I had to try to put it into words...as LOST comes to an end, I realize I did fall for this show. I loved hard, fiercely, and with such a devotion that would never waiver. And I must remember, as I am a bawling baby on the couch during the finale this Sunday...

It is better to have loved and LOST than to have never loved at all.