So there is a new Reality TV program on Animal Planet called "Meercat Manor." Cameras follow around a tribe of meercats as they live, learn and love. Apparently it was a big hit last season and they have already began the next installment. I have come up with some alternative spinoff show titles.
Meercat Meth-house
Meercat Megamart
Meercat Mall
Meercat Mercado
Meercat Mansion
Meercat Music Hall
Meercat Menards
Meercat Monster Truck Rally
Meercat Mountain
Meercat 4-story walk-up
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
Things I have done today at "work":
Watched the entire season premiere of "the office"
Ate a chocolate donut
Put a sticky note on the clear glass door of a conference room
answered the phone 5 times
read 2 newspapers
Prepared 2 Fed Ex envelopes
Opened the front door for people 8 times
Listened to the radio
Faxed some stuff
I am thrilled for the weekend but not looking forward to having to talk to my old boss about what I have been doing for the last few weeks. He thinks I am looking for another job. I actually have another job.
I would like to work just a day a week or something for him, but I doubt that will fly. So until I talk to him I have no idea where this is all going.
He and I have never gotten along, mostly because I get such an intense high school vibe from him. Like he is the Jock I HATED in school, and I am the Nerd girl he feels the need to pick on when he is having a bad day. Recently it had gotten better, we had been sort of almost pleasant to each other. But now that I have angered the gods within him I don't know if I will get a storm or not. I am just vowing to try to be as honest as possible with everyone I encounter lately, and the same goes for him.
Here is how I imagine Saturday's talk will go:
me: hey can I talk to you?
him: Uh, yeah, just let me go take care of some things first.
(he goes to the host desk, shuffles papers, trudges through the dining room into his office, goes online, shops for his kids, then after I wait at the bar for 20 min and get fed up and go into his office, he turns to me)
him: OK. So what's been going on? I haven't had you scheduled for almost 3 weeks.
me: I know. I wasn't real sure what that was all about either. I had requested Saturdays only but I guess you didn't need me those days?
him: well, yeah, I mean, there are people who are actually working regularly who should have priority over your one day request.
me: Right, right. Well I was working on getting some temp work anyway, so it worked out well that you didn't schedule me.
him: so are you quitting?
me: well, I would like to continue on just working Saturdays if you still need me.
him: No, I don't think that will work. It's silly to keep someone on just one day a week.
me: are you sure? Even during Christmas?
him: Yeah, we'll be fine. You can just quit now.
me: Well you know I would really like to put in a two week notice so that I am doing this right...
him: (laughing) you should have done that 2 weeks ago!
me: Well, I didn't know if my little experiment was going to work. Still don't entirely know what I am doing. But I would like to stay on great terms with this company and not just leave abruptly.
him: I don't even know what abruptly means.
me: I know. That's because you are just a stupid Jock who somehow got into a position of authority even though you don't know what the hell is going on half the time and make really bad decisions.
him: Oh yeah. I forgot.
me: of course you did. And you probably will forget again when I am not working here anymore and reminding you all the time.
him: Well maybe that is a good thing.
me: You know, you are right. I don't want to lower my standards and work for someone like you any longer. I think it is better if I just go. You will give me a good review if I need one, right?
him: Oh yeah sure.
me: great thanks!
(I shake his hand and leave free as a bird out the door. He feels foolish and takes out his feelings of inadequacy on his employees, who cringe in terror under his rath.)
Watched the entire season premiere of "the office"
Ate a chocolate donut
Put a sticky note on the clear glass door of a conference room
answered the phone 5 times
read 2 newspapers
Prepared 2 Fed Ex envelopes
Opened the front door for people 8 times
Listened to the radio
Faxed some stuff
I am thrilled for the weekend but not looking forward to having to talk to my old boss about what I have been doing for the last few weeks. He thinks I am looking for another job. I actually have another job.
I would like to work just a day a week or something for him, but I doubt that will fly. So until I talk to him I have no idea where this is all going.
He and I have never gotten along, mostly because I get such an intense high school vibe from him. Like he is the Jock I HATED in school, and I am the Nerd girl he feels the need to pick on when he is having a bad day. Recently it had gotten better, we had been sort of almost pleasant to each other. But now that I have angered the gods within him I don't know if I will get a storm or not. I am just vowing to try to be as honest as possible with everyone I encounter lately, and the same goes for him.
Here is how I imagine Saturday's talk will go:
me: hey can I talk to you?
him: Uh, yeah, just let me go take care of some things first.
(he goes to the host desk, shuffles papers, trudges through the dining room into his office, goes online, shops for his kids, then after I wait at the bar for 20 min and get fed up and go into his office, he turns to me)
him: OK. So what's been going on? I haven't had you scheduled for almost 3 weeks.
me: I know. I wasn't real sure what that was all about either. I had requested Saturdays only but I guess you didn't need me those days?
him: well, yeah, I mean, there are people who are actually working regularly who should have priority over your one day request.
me: Right, right. Well I was working on getting some temp work anyway, so it worked out well that you didn't schedule me.
him: so are you quitting?
me: well, I would like to continue on just working Saturdays if you still need me.
him: No, I don't think that will work. It's silly to keep someone on just one day a week.
me: are you sure? Even during Christmas?
him: Yeah, we'll be fine. You can just quit now.
me: Well you know I would really like to put in a two week notice so that I am doing this right...
him: (laughing) you should have done that 2 weeks ago!
me: Well, I didn't know if my little experiment was going to work. Still don't entirely know what I am doing. But I would like to stay on great terms with this company and not just leave abruptly.
him: I don't even know what abruptly means.
me: I know. That's because you are just a stupid Jock who somehow got into a position of authority even though you don't know what the hell is going on half the time and make really bad decisions.
him: Oh yeah. I forgot.
me: of course you did. And you probably will forget again when I am not working here anymore and reminding you all the time.
him: Well maybe that is a good thing.
me: You know, you are right. I don't want to lower my standards and work for someone like you any longer. I think it is better if I just go. You will give me a good review if I need one, right?
him: Oh yeah sure.
me: great thanks!
(I shake his hand and leave free as a bird out the door. He feels foolish and takes out his feelings of inadequacy on his employees, who cringe in terror under his rath.)
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Open Letter To Egor the Foreign Guy:
Dear Egor,
I am sorry I wasn't the girl you thought I was. I know the expectant look on my face as I stood waiting outside the IO Theatre last night could easily have been mistaken for the look of a girl waiting to meet you for the first time. But no, I was not the "Cecelia" you thought I was. I was just out there waiting for a friend.
When you came right up to me with that confident, excited look in your eye and asked "Cecelia?" in your thick foreign accent, you seemed so happy, Egor. That is why it was really hard for me to break it to you that alas, I was not. My only regret is that I reacted so poorly. I was quite confused and a bit taken aback at your directness with a stranger. I could only manage to mumble "No, no, I am not her," and step back awkwardly.
It was as if the light in your eyes died right before me, Egor! It broke my heart to see you that way! I know you meant well. I did too. I wanted the madness to stop right then and there. I wasn't her and there was no reason to prolong the torture any longer. I said sorry, too, Egor. But it WASN'T MY FAULT! Still, I felt terrible, wishing I was Cecelia with all my soul to make the pain stop.
And I appreciated your attempts to look good for this mystery girl. Your balding brown hair was combed forward in an effort to hide its eventual depletion, your squinty eyes were shining, and your accent certainly helped. I am sure Cecelia would have been impressed.
And the most charming thing was when you tried so sweetly to save face. You said "Awww, too bad...for me!" as you turned quickly to enter the theatre, your face turning red with embarassment.
Your pitiful attempt at a compliment did not go unnoticed, Egor! You thought I was Cecelia and that she was fairly attractive, and that was a relief. Realizing your mistake, you now had to contend with the fact that she may still be the ugly beast you fear she is! And so you made it clear that I was attractive and you were "missing out" by leaving me to go find your real date. But you went to find her anyway. And that, Egor, is beautiful.
I hope Cecelia finds out you are just as charming and kind hearted in person as you are online. And I wish you luck with all your other dating adventures in America. Welcome, Egor. Welcome.
Sincerely,Leanne, the wrong girl
Dear Egor,
I am sorry I wasn't the girl you thought I was. I know the expectant look on my face as I stood waiting outside the IO Theatre last night could easily have been mistaken for the look of a girl waiting to meet you for the first time. But no, I was not the "Cecelia" you thought I was. I was just out there waiting for a friend.
When you came right up to me with that confident, excited look in your eye and asked "Cecelia?" in your thick foreign accent, you seemed so happy, Egor. That is why it was really hard for me to break it to you that alas, I was not. My only regret is that I reacted so poorly. I was quite confused and a bit taken aback at your directness with a stranger. I could only manage to mumble "No, no, I am not her," and step back awkwardly.
It was as if the light in your eyes died right before me, Egor! It broke my heart to see you that way! I know you meant well. I did too. I wanted the madness to stop right then and there. I wasn't her and there was no reason to prolong the torture any longer. I said sorry, too, Egor. But it WASN'T MY FAULT! Still, I felt terrible, wishing I was Cecelia with all my soul to make the pain stop.
And I appreciated your attempts to look good for this mystery girl. Your balding brown hair was combed forward in an effort to hide its eventual depletion, your squinty eyes were shining, and your accent certainly helped. I am sure Cecelia would have been impressed.
And the most charming thing was when you tried so sweetly to save face. You said "Awww, too bad...for me!" as you turned quickly to enter the theatre, your face turning red with embarassment.
Your pitiful attempt at a compliment did not go unnoticed, Egor! You thought I was Cecelia and that she was fairly attractive, and that was a relief. Realizing your mistake, you now had to contend with the fact that she may still be the ugly beast you fear she is! And so you made it clear that I was attractive and you were "missing out" by leaving me to go find your real date. But you went to find her anyway. And that, Egor, is beautiful.
I hope Cecelia finds out you are just as charming and kind hearted in person as you are online. And I wish you luck with all your other dating adventures in America. Welcome, Egor. Welcome.
Sincerely,Leanne, the wrong girl
Showered at the boy's house this morning. Found a wonderful little metaphor for life in said shower. Brightened my morning quite a bit. That and his roommie's glorious sharing of fresh coffee with me.
Oh yeah, so the metaphor.
I noticed a tiny spider on the shower curtain. She was at my eye level, and she was trying to make her way UP the curtain, despite numerous obstacles, such as the slick material of the curtain, the water droplets all around, the shaking of the curtain occasionally when I brushed up against it...
There were a lot of reasons why she SHOULDN"T be there. But she must have had a purpose, because she had made it so far already (eye level! Wow!) and continued to struggle up that curtain. I thought she was crazy. Why and how did she get there in the first place? She was one determined little spidey.
After I finished up, I checked on her again, and she had not made much progress. In fact, she had resolved to tighten up and curl into a spider ball of sorts, legs kinked together and close to her body. She was almost cowering. She clearly wasn't making anymore progress, that was obvious. I wanted to help, but there was nothing I could really do that felt right. And I was running late, so pep talks were not in order today. Certainly not for spiders I hardly knew.
So I just left her alone. She would gather her strength again, I was sure of it.
This spider made me think of people--myself and friends, primarily. But even just humans in general. We find ourselves on trecherous paths trying to make it, striving to do what we love or move forward in careers we aren't sure of, wondering how the hell we even got here. It is certainly not anything like we imagined when we were young. Yet every day we attempt bigger and bigger things, facing obstacles and judgment from others. But the journey, however slippery, is what is important.
And sometimes, just for sanity's sake, we have to curl up into a little ball and just hold on for a while. This can make us stronger sometimes, or it can paralyze and cripple us. It is all in how you decide to use these sort of "kinked up in a spider ball holding on for dear life" times.
What we all need to do is help each other through them when we can, or, if a pep talk isn't the answer, just leave each other alone to figure it out. And I am sure we all will, in our own way at our own pace.
And for those people who don't ever need that time to curl up in protection mode?
Fuck all y'all.
Oh yeah, so the metaphor.
I noticed a tiny spider on the shower curtain. She was at my eye level, and she was trying to make her way UP the curtain, despite numerous obstacles, such as the slick material of the curtain, the water droplets all around, the shaking of the curtain occasionally when I brushed up against it...
There were a lot of reasons why she SHOULDN"T be there. But she must have had a purpose, because she had made it so far already (eye level! Wow!) and continued to struggle up that curtain. I thought she was crazy. Why and how did she get there in the first place? She was one determined little spidey.
After I finished up, I checked on her again, and she had not made much progress. In fact, she had resolved to tighten up and curl into a spider ball of sorts, legs kinked together and close to her body. She was almost cowering. She clearly wasn't making anymore progress, that was obvious. I wanted to help, but there was nothing I could really do that felt right. And I was running late, so pep talks were not in order today. Certainly not for spiders I hardly knew.
So I just left her alone. She would gather her strength again, I was sure of it.
This spider made me think of people--myself and friends, primarily. But even just humans in general. We find ourselves on trecherous paths trying to make it, striving to do what we love or move forward in careers we aren't sure of, wondering how the hell we even got here. It is certainly not anything like we imagined when we were young. Yet every day we attempt bigger and bigger things, facing obstacles and judgment from others. But the journey, however slippery, is what is important.
And sometimes, just for sanity's sake, we have to curl up into a little ball and just hold on for a while. This can make us stronger sometimes, or it can paralyze and cripple us. It is all in how you decide to use these sort of "kinked up in a spider ball holding on for dear life" times.
What we all need to do is help each other through them when we can, or, if a pep talk isn't the answer, just leave each other alone to figure it out. And I am sure we all will, in our own way at our own pace.
And for those people who don't ever need that time to curl up in protection mode?
Fuck all y'all.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
I am listening to a random internet radio station that plays just what I like and it is making me intensely comfortable and cozy here at the desk. As I play in every way possible on the internet, I always keep my finger on the mouse to toggle back to the office email page...not that anyone really pays attention, or even really cares for that matter. But it's more of a game I play with myself: "Will I be able to hide the blog before someone walks by and sees it? "
I played a similar game when I was a child to keep myself amused when no one really cared: "How can I get from one end of the house to the other without anyone seeing me?"
I remember being so small and covert. I hid behind chairs and dove under tables and crawled as silently as possible across endless miles of kitchen floor, all the while my eyes trained on the newspaper covering up my father's face. Making it across his office doorway was easy...he was never really paying attention to much of anything. But getting past the gaping entryway to the living room when mom was watching TV? Nearly impossible. One had to stop breathing or she could sense you.
I used to think she had ESP.
She just chose not to use it too often because she didn't want to know what I was REALLY up to.
Anyway, so back to working...or not working, as it were.
I am cozy enough on this slightly chilly fall day, hanging out in my special ergonomic (how the balls DO you spell that?) chair, dreaming about being a real writer, doing whatever I want online save look at porn, thinking about the future, getting overwhelmed, keeping it simple--thinking about two days from now...That's better. And wondering (yet again) if I made the right decision declining the opportunity to have this 14 dollar an hour job permanently.
I fret oh so much. Really, it's annoying even to me, folks.
I think I did the right thing. I need stimuli as well as free time to play. There has got to be a job like that out there--where I still feel important but not without down time too.
That is my ideal right now.
That and just being paid to act or write all day.
Or maybe bowl. Being paid to bowl would be pretty cool too. Not well, mind you. Just bowl however you do. And get paid. Any gig like that out there? Anyone? Anyone?
No?
Damn.
Well I guess that is it for now. Tomorrow is another day where I will strive to arrive (rhyming is so satisfying!) on time yet again so no one bitches at me.
I played a similar game when I was a child to keep myself amused when no one really cared: "How can I get from one end of the house to the other without anyone seeing me?"
I remember being so small and covert. I hid behind chairs and dove under tables and crawled as silently as possible across endless miles of kitchen floor, all the while my eyes trained on the newspaper covering up my father's face. Making it across his office doorway was easy...he was never really paying attention to much of anything. But getting past the gaping entryway to the living room when mom was watching TV? Nearly impossible. One had to stop breathing or she could sense you.
I used to think she had ESP.
She just chose not to use it too often because she didn't want to know what I was REALLY up to.
Anyway, so back to working...or not working, as it were.
I am cozy enough on this slightly chilly fall day, hanging out in my special ergonomic (how the balls DO you spell that?) chair, dreaming about being a real writer, doing whatever I want online save look at porn, thinking about the future, getting overwhelmed, keeping it simple--thinking about two days from now...That's better. And wondering (yet again) if I made the right decision declining the opportunity to have this 14 dollar an hour job permanently.
I fret oh so much. Really, it's annoying even to me, folks.
I think I did the right thing. I need stimuli as well as free time to play. There has got to be a job like that out there--where I still feel important but not without down time too.
That is my ideal right now.
That and just being paid to act or write all day.
Or maybe bowl. Being paid to bowl would be pretty cool too. Not well, mind you. Just bowl however you do. And get paid. Any gig like that out there? Anyone? Anyone?
No?
Damn.
Well I guess that is it for now. Tomorrow is another day where I will strive to arrive (rhyming is so satisfying!) on time yet again so no one bitches at me.
I would like to attempt to list 100 things about me. I think it will not only make me stretch my pea brain but also inspire me and make me realize I am a lot cooler than I sometimes think I am. In fact, I think we all should do this from time to time! Everyone take a second sometime this week to jot down 100 things about yourself. maybe you will discover something you never knew about the one person you spend allllllll your time with--YOU!
(Jeez I sound like a self-help guru or something...hand me some dolphin shorts and cue "Sweating to the Oldies" music!)
Drumroll please...
1 I wear cool glasses
2 I have the nasal twang in my voice you only acquire living in Fresno, CA
3 My favorite sushi roll is a crunchy roll that doesn't seem to exist in Chicago. (I will find one, dammit!)
4 I look good in skirts and heels but I never wear them
5 I take a train to work every day
6 I am a really good waitress (if I so choose to be)
7 I am addicted to chocolate
8 I file my nails anywhere, anytime, if need be
9 I get mousy and shy when I don't know anyone (it's true! you are never there to witness it, but it's true!)
10 I pay all my parking tickets and bills on time
11 I got out of jury duty (thank God! It was a close call, I would say)
12 I had a cat named cuddles that I talked to when I was little
13 I am an actress
14 I am a writer
15 I am a good friend to talk to. Not so good with the gifts or remembering birthdays or taking you to lunch, but good to talk to
16 I have great taste in music, and love nothing more than to share it with people I love
17 I learn something new about computers every day.
18 I am almost painfully logical at times...
19 Then I will turn around and think ridiculously irrationally for a good long while
20 That being said, I am a very complex person, totally contradictory most of the time
21 I have a thing for boys that look Jewish-always have, always will
22 I pick up on things pretty darn quickly
23 I actually like exercising (this is a pretty recent discovery)
24 I don't fit in at office buildings and that is ok, I will still work there
25 I don't fit in with hipsters and that is ok, I will still try to befriend them
26 There are a lot of stuffed animals on my bed
27 I only like my hair when Frank is around
28 I am not skinny or fat, but somewhere awkwardly inbetween
29 I smoked pot with Woody Harrelson
30 I surfed in La Jolla and loved it
31 I left places I have lived that made me unhappy
32 I explored most cities in California
33 I have to plug my nose when I jump in the pool...still
34 I can't dive for the life of me
35 I am pretty flexible
36 I sit on my porch way too much
37 I read an insane amount of information every day and hardly absorb any of it
38 I swam in a secret waterin' hole only locals knew about on an Illinois hiking trail
39 I often internalize songs and make them mean something deeper
40 My favorite drink is Vodka and tonic
41 My favorite color is brown
42 I like making people feel comfortable enough to talk to me about anything
43 I am crude
44 I am a very gassy person
45 I sweat a lot, whether I exert energy or not
46 I am very sexual but not too sexy most of the time
47 I once had purple hair (just in the front)
48 I used to sneak out of my house to go drink and smoke and never got officially caught
49 There are thoughts I have that make no sense and it's ok to call me out on it
50 I need a lot of reassurance
51 I am a tad bit codependent
52 I have the kind of smile where my lips disappear and my teeth look enormous
53 I hate and love my freckles at the same time
54 I am a closet optimist and I am not ready to come out fully
55 I talk about things but don't take action nearly enough
56 I often do things based on fear
57 I often don't do things based on fear
58 I climbed Mount Baldy in the snow in jeans and ate dehydrated food that was delicious
59 I love rollercoasters
60 I love Halloween and not just because it is my birthday
61 I own an MP3 player but not an IPOD
62 I keep anything anyone gives me so I can look at it later and remember them
63 My favorite type of music can be best described as "guitar-based, electronic indie pop"
64 I have had my heart broken and turned out better than I ever thought possible at the time
65 I have broken hearts and I always hate it, every time, no matter the circumstances
66 There are many hemp necklaces that I keep in a red box even though I never wear them
67 I do not have one piece of expensive or fine jewelry with me in Chicago
68 Speaking of which, I put all I could fit into my jetta and drove cross country to move to Chicago!
69 My mother was also in on the above road trip and I am glad I let her come because it made the time very special and we are not very close so that is important
70 I want to own a bearded dragon someday
71 And a chihuahua
72 I love being in a smoky bar in the middle of a snowstorm
73 I collect fall leaves in Chicago to send to people I love
74 I am terrified of old age
75 I have gone on a hay ride in the dark
76 I am judgmental but always open to having my mind changed
77 I don't have too many strong opinions about anything, but when I do, you'll know about it
78 I get bouts of uncontrollable hyperactive energy and have to jump around and say nonsensical things for a while
79 I shake uncontrollably almost all the time
80 I get anxious about little things and make them HUGE
81 I like to be considered "funny"
82 I lie and say I am fine a lot
83 I secretly cry about nothing and everything at random times
84 Gross things make me happy but I will still be grossed out
85 I am a great secret keeper as long as I am able to tell ONE other person (that doesn't know anyone involved, of course)
86 Try as I might, I really could never get into candles and incense
87 I like cats more than dogs
88 I used to think I could turn into a dog
89 When I was little I used to rub against trees with the boy down the street and call it "the good feeling"
90 Sometimes when I was very young I really wanted to die
91 I have won awards in all the things I love
92 Anything I spot that is strange I will stop and look at for at least a few minutes
93 Once I knew what I wanted in a relationship, I found it
94 I waste a lot of time doing stupid things
95 I enjoy wasting time doing stupid things
96 I can't remember what I did the day before and that scares me
97 There are many things I want to do that I haven't..yet
98 I could spend hours in a museum
99 I really like having someone with me to share moments
100 I have no idea what my future holds...and am learning to be ok with it
(Jeez I sound like a self-help guru or something...hand me some dolphin shorts and cue "Sweating to the Oldies" music!)
Drumroll please...
1 I wear cool glasses
2 I have the nasal twang in my voice you only acquire living in Fresno, CA
3 My favorite sushi roll is a crunchy roll that doesn't seem to exist in Chicago. (I will find one, dammit!)
4 I look good in skirts and heels but I never wear them
5 I take a train to work every day
6 I am a really good waitress (if I so choose to be)
7 I am addicted to chocolate
8 I file my nails anywhere, anytime, if need be
9 I get mousy and shy when I don't know anyone (it's true! you are never there to witness it, but it's true!)
10 I pay all my parking tickets and bills on time
11 I got out of jury duty (thank God! It was a close call, I would say)
12 I had a cat named cuddles that I talked to when I was little
13 I am an actress
14 I am a writer
15 I am a good friend to talk to. Not so good with the gifts or remembering birthdays or taking you to lunch, but good to talk to
16 I have great taste in music, and love nothing more than to share it with people I love
17 I learn something new about computers every day.
18 I am almost painfully logical at times...
19 Then I will turn around and think ridiculously irrationally for a good long while
20 That being said, I am a very complex person, totally contradictory most of the time
21 I have a thing for boys that look Jewish-always have, always will
22 I pick up on things pretty darn quickly
23 I actually like exercising (this is a pretty recent discovery)
24 I don't fit in at office buildings and that is ok, I will still work there
25 I don't fit in with hipsters and that is ok, I will still try to befriend them
26 There are a lot of stuffed animals on my bed
27 I only like my hair when Frank is around
28 I am not skinny or fat, but somewhere awkwardly inbetween
29 I smoked pot with Woody Harrelson
30 I surfed in La Jolla and loved it
31 I left places I have lived that made me unhappy
32 I explored most cities in California
33 I have to plug my nose when I jump in the pool...still
34 I can't dive for the life of me
35 I am pretty flexible
36 I sit on my porch way too much
37 I read an insane amount of information every day and hardly absorb any of it
38 I swam in a secret waterin' hole only locals knew about on an Illinois hiking trail
39 I often internalize songs and make them mean something deeper
40 My favorite drink is Vodka and tonic
41 My favorite color is brown
42 I like making people feel comfortable enough to talk to me about anything
43 I am crude
44 I am a very gassy person
45 I sweat a lot, whether I exert energy or not
46 I am very sexual but not too sexy most of the time
47 I once had purple hair (just in the front)
48 I used to sneak out of my house to go drink and smoke and never got officially caught
49 There are thoughts I have that make no sense and it's ok to call me out on it
50 I need a lot of reassurance
51 I am a tad bit codependent
52 I have the kind of smile where my lips disappear and my teeth look enormous
53 I hate and love my freckles at the same time
54 I am a closet optimist and I am not ready to come out fully
55 I talk about things but don't take action nearly enough
56 I often do things based on fear
57 I often don't do things based on fear
58 I climbed Mount Baldy in the snow in jeans and ate dehydrated food that was delicious
59 I love rollercoasters
60 I love Halloween and not just because it is my birthday
61 I own an MP3 player but not an IPOD
62 I keep anything anyone gives me so I can look at it later and remember them
63 My favorite type of music can be best described as "guitar-based, electronic indie pop"
64 I have had my heart broken and turned out better than I ever thought possible at the time
65 I have broken hearts and I always hate it, every time, no matter the circumstances
66 There are many hemp necklaces that I keep in a red box even though I never wear them
67 I do not have one piece of expensive or fine jewelry with me in Chicago
68 Speaking of which, I put all I could fit into my jetta and drove cross country to move to Chicago!
69 My mother was also in on the above road trip and I am glad I let her come because it made the time very special and we are not very close so that is important
70 I want to own a bearded dragon someday
71 And a chihuahua
72 I love being in a smoky bar in the middle of a snowstorm
73 I collect fall leaves in Chicago to send to people I love
74 I am terrified of old age
75 I have gone on a hay ride in the dark
76 I am judgmental but always open to having my mind changed
77 I don't have too many strong opinions about anything, but when I do, you'll know about it
78 I get bouts of uncontrollable hyperactive energy and have to jump around and say nonsensical things for a while
79 I shake uncontrollably almost all the time
80 I get anxious about little things and make them HUGE
81 I like to be considered "funny"
82 I lie and say I am fine a lot
83 I secretly cry about nothing and everything at random times
84 Gross things make me happy but I will still be grossed out
85 I am a great secret keeper as long as I am able to tell ONE other person (that doesn't know anyone involved, of course)
86 Try as I might, I really could never get into candles and incense
87 I like cats more than dogs
88 I used to think I could turn into a dog
89 When I was little I used to rub against trees with the boy down the street and call it "the good feeling"
90 Sometimes when I was very young I really wanted to die
91 I have won awards in all the things I love
92 Anything I spot that is strange I will stop and look at for at least a few minutes
93 Once I knew what I wanted in a relationship, I found it
94 I waste a lot of time doing stupid things
95 I enjoy wasting time doing stupid things
96 I can't remember what I did the day before and that scares me
97 There are many things I want to do that I haven't..yet
98 I could spend hours in a museum
99 I really like having someone with me to share moments
100 I have no idea what my future holds...and am learning to be ok with it
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
I used to watch those "Leggo My Eggo" commercials and think they were talking about "Legos", the childrens' building block toys. I really was convinced. I didn't "get" what they were really going for (Let GO of My Eggo) until about 8th grade. Sad but true.
On that note, I realized a few other things of that nature in 8th grade. The commercial for "Nut&Honey" cereal? They were saying "Nuthin, honey" to their pesky loved ones, not simply stating the cereal name, like I assumed. At Church, when the priest finished up a mass, he was saying "thanks BE to God," not "thanks speed of God." While I sort of understood that my interpretations of these things didn't quite makes sense, I simply figured it was everyone around me that made up these odd sayings that was crazy.
It's sort of like that year, my developing brain finally reached it's maturity and suddenly the world made sense. Too bad it didn't last.
It is odd to me that it took that long for me to question and at last figure out the real intention behind these phrases. Why wasn't my brain bright enough to question my perception, as I so often do now?
But then I think about how some people my age still say supposably and irregardless, and I realize that it can happen at any age, anytime. Sometimes we just don't use our brains to make sure what we think is true is really what is going on. We take things at face value. We repeat what other people say and take it for truth.
It's not always truth. There were no legos in that commercial. They were not talking about my favorite childhood toy.
They were telling me to let go.
On that note, I realized a few other things of that nature in 8th grade. The commercial for "Nut&Honey" cereal? They were saying "Nuthin, honey" to their pesky loved ones, not simply stating the cereal name, like I assumed. At Church, when the priest finished up a mass, he was saying "thanks BE to God," not "thanks speed of God." While I sort of understood that my interpretations of these things didn't quite makes sense, I simply figured it was everyone around me that made up these odd sayings that was crazy.
It's sort of like that year, my developing brain finally reached it's maturity and suddenly the world made sense. Too bad it didn't last.
It is odd to me that it took that long for me to question and at last figure out the real intention behind these phrases. Why wasn't my brain bright enough to question my perception, as I so often do now?
But then I think about how some people my age still say supposably and irregardless, and I realize that it can happen at any age, anytime. Sometimes we just don't use our brains to make sure what we think is true is really what is going on. We take things at face value. We repeat what other people say and take it for truth.
It's not always truth. There were no legos in that commercial. They were not talking about my favorite childhood toy.
They were telling me to let go.
Monday, September 25, 2006
I was reading an article on company employees wasting office hours playing online and taking care of personal business...
While I understand their concern about decreases in productivity, I also think businesses need to pick their battles and be careful not to generalize their policies about it, otherwise they risk alienating their employees in a big way.
There are some people who abuse the system, yes. But for those who make sure to get all their other important work done before taking care of personal things, punishing them as well as the abusers could really hurt the work place vibe.
As an employee, you have agreed to give up 40+ hours of your week to this company. Those hours are usually the only hours that everything else you may need to utilize (businesses, banks, doctors, etc...) are open as well. So you give up the opportunity to take care of some needs you may have so that you can be at your job during those hours. In exchange, I feel it is your right to take care of some of those things while you are at work. If all your work gets done still, what does it matter if you take an extra 10 min at lunch? Or spare 5 min to pay a bill or two online? Or call your credit card company to complain about a charge? These are things you simply cannot take care of properly sometimes due to the time spent at your job place.
I think it is unfortunate that we cannot treat people like the adults they are and trust them to get the work done first, then take care of personal things. But if we have to "restrict" their use of internet, I think simply expressing to the employees the expectations about internet use could be very beneficial to the employer. Let employees know that they can use computers for personal use, but only after work is done for the day, or as long as everything that needs attention right away gets attended to. Treating people like the freeminded adults they are is the first step in getting them to make smart decisions. Restricting their freedoms in a mass company policy is the first step in driving them away, or cutting morale, or undermining their intelligence.
If after giving them this talk about expectations, your employees still waste tons of time online, then it's time to take more action.
Says the girl who is online because there really is not much else for her to do sometimes...
While I understand their concern about decreases in productivity, I also think businesses need to pick their battles and be careful not to generalize their policies about it, otherwise they risk alienating their employees in a big way.
There are some people who abuse the system, yes. But for those who make sure to get all their other important work done before taking care of personal things, punishing them as well as the abusers could really hurt the work place vibe.
As an employee, you have agreed to give up 40+ hours of your week to this company. Those hours are usually the only hours that everything else you may need to utilize (businesses, banks, doctors, etc...) are open as well. So you give up the opportunity to take care of some needs you may have so that you can be at your job during those hours. In exchange, I feel it is your right to take care of some of those things while you are at work. If all your work gets done still, what does it matter if you take an extra 10 min at lunch? Or spare 5 min to pay a bill or two online? Or call your credit card company to complain about a charge? These are things you simply cannot take care of properly sometimes due to the time spent at your job place.
I think it is unfortunate that we cannot treat people like the adults they are and trust them to get the work done first, then take care of personal things. But if we have to "restrict" their use of internet, I think simply expressing to the employees the expectations about internet use could be very beneficial to the employer. Let employees know that they can use computers for personal use, but only after work is done for the day, or as long as everything that needs attention right away gets attended to. Treating people like the freeminded adults they are is the first step in getting them to make smart decisions. Restricting their freedoms in a mass company policy is the first step in driving them away, or cutting morale, or undermining their intelligence.
If after giving them this talk about expectations, your employees still waste tons of time online, then it's time to take more action.
Says the girl who is online because there really is not much else for her to do sometimes...
Friday, September 22, 2006
An hour and 22 minutes until my first week of temping is over.
What I would rather be doing right now...
1 Dancing with myself
2 eating e coli spinish leaves
3 Reading a terrible book I secretly love ( come on we all have one)
4 Counting the buildings in Chicago from the huge glass window on the 39th floor
5 Making out with my boyfriend
6 Making out with anyone's boyfriend
7 Chopping onions
8 Sailing the seven seas
9 Drinking a warm beer (I know, its crazy but true)
10 Listening to the new Paris Hilton album (I know, crazier but true)
What I would rather be doing right now...
1 Dancing with myself
2 eating e coli spinish leaves
3 Reading a terrible book I secretly love ( come on we all have one)
4 Counting the buildings in Chicago from the huge glass window on the 39th floor
5 Making out with my boyfriend
6 Making out with anyone's boyfriend
7 Chopping onions
8 Sailing the seven seas
9 Drinking a warm beer (I know, its crazy but true)
10 Listening to the new Paris Hilton album (I know, crazier but true)
Thursday, September 21, 2006
I have officially flew the coop. Ok well maybe not entirely, but in spirit at least. I am transitioning from running my ass around a restaurant for shitty tippers to sitting at a desk and smiling at everyone. Yes, I have gone to temping, everyone. And in this moment of transition, I have realized a thing or 2...or 5.
1) I hate people
I know, it seems a bit much. But honestly, after working at a restaurant in a MALL, you see quite a plethora of people. All different walks of life come in. And it ain't pretty. So maybe I don't hate all people, but a great many that I have come across. I have probably come across more wackos treating me like shit than the average joe who has all limbs or isn't horribly disfigured. That is impressive. And it has caused me to hate people, whether I want to or not.
2) I am not a friendly person
I used to be. Seriously. Ask anyone from like...3 years ago or so. I can even fake friendly still! But I am coming to terms with the fact that I am not, by nature, friendly anymore. Friendly has become something I put on to get a tip. An act. And so genuine friendliness is long dead. I want to be friendly. But when I try, I just sound high pitched and insincere. Ever seen pictures where a person is smiling but their eyes are kinda dead? That is me most of the time when I try to be friendly these days.
3) I am lazy.
This is the worst. I don't think I always was...I double majored in college! That's something, right? Something a highly motivated person would do, right? Anyway I am too tired and listless to write anymore about that one...
4) I love change, yet fear it with such a fierceness.
It's like my abusive husband or something. I love it, I believe that it is good for me, yet it wears me down so that I have no self esteem left! I get anxious when it is close, crave it when it is away.
5) I kinda suck at office jobs so far.
At least it feels like it. Maybe it is the role of the temp to feel this way. But I want to relax and have a good time and meet everyone and laugh and be crude and stuff here and there, WHILE still getting shit done, and done well. Why can't an office have it both ways? Maybe I am just starting out in the wrong office. We shall see. But I do feel very stifled in this environment. Sorta like I am in Church or something.
6) Being poor is scary but sometimes necessary.
To get where you need to go, you gotta suck it up sometimes and be poor. Entry level office jobs help that, because you go home and make dinner and then are so tired you don't go out and spend money. So being a loser after 9pm saves you money and allows you to work at an office without feeling too poor! It's a lovely cycle, really.
7) I can still change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is my favorite one. I was miserable waiting tables. I don't like hating people...It takes way more effort to hate than to not hate. So I am quitting (sort of...cutting back...hey I move slowly, ok?!) in order to love people again. I want to feel bad for the old lady crossing the street alone, not think "that old bitch would probably ask for hot water and tip me 10 percent!"
I want to be friendly again! I want to genuinely smile at a stranger or go out of my way to talk to new people without being exhausted from talking to people I don't want to talk to all day while waiting tables! So I stopped waiting tables as much so I could try to get that back.
I want to be active, not lazy! I want to have energy and a more routine schedule so I can be more disciplined with my craft and therefore more productive! So I am trying to do just that.
I want to be good at office work! So when I find the job I actually want to do, I can be ready for it with all my office knowledge and experience!
I want to be poor!
Wait a minute. Ok that is the only thing I changed that bites. Oh well. Can't have it all I guess.
But you can try to make efforts to have some. And that is what I am attempting. Wish me luck!
1) I hate people
I know, it seems a bit much. But honestly, after working at a restaurant in a MALL, you see quite a plethora of people. All different walks of life come in. And it ain't pretty. So maybe I don't hate all people, but a great many that I have come across. I have probably come across more wackos treating me like shit than the average joe who has all limbs or isn't horribly disfigured. That is impressive. And it has caused me to hate people, whether I want to or not.
2) I am not a friendly person
I used to be. Seriously. Ask anyone from like...3 years ago or so. I can even fake friendly still! But I am coming to terms with the fact that I am not, by nature, friendly anymore. Friendly has become something I put on to get a tip. An act. And so genuine friendliness is long dead. I want to be friendly. But when I try, I just sound high pitched and insincere. Ever seen pictures where a person is smiling but their eyes are kinda dead? That is me most of the time when I try to be friendly these days.
3) I am lazy.
This is the worst. I don't think I always was...I double majored in college! That's something, right? Something a highly motivated person would do, right? Anyway I am too tired and listless to write anymore about that one...
4) I love change, yet fear it with such a fierceness.
It's like my abusive husband or something. I love it, I believe that it is good for me, yet it wears me down so that I have no self esteem left! I get anxious when it is close, crave it when it is away.
5) I kinda suck at office jobs so far.
At least it feels like it. Maybe it is the role of the temp to feel this way. But I want to relax and have a good time and meet everyone and laugh and be crude and stuff here and there, WHILE still getting shit done, and done well. Why can't an office have it both ways? Maybe I am just starting out in the wrong office. We shall see. But I do feel very stifled in this environment. Sorta like I am in Church or something.
6) Being poor is scary but sometimes necessary.
To get where you need to go, you gotta suck it up sometimes and be poor. Entry level office jobs help that, because you go home and make dinner and then are so tired you don't go out and spend money. So being a loser after 9pm saves you money and allows you to work at an office without feeling too poor! It's a lovely cycle, really.
7) I can still change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is my favorite one. I was miserable waiting tables. I don't like hating people...It takes way more effort to hate than to not hate. So I am quitting (sort of...cutting back...hey I move slowly, ok?!) in order to love people again. I want to feel bad for the old lady crossing the street alone, not think "that old bitch would probably ask for hot water and tip me 10 percent!"
I want to be friendly again! I want to genuinely smile at a stranger or go out of my way to talk to new people without being exhausted from talking to people I don't want to talk to all day while waiting tables! So I stopped waiting tables as much so I could try to get that back.
I want to be active, not lazy! I want to have energy and a more routine schedule so I can be more disciplined with my craft and therefore more productive! So I am trying to do just that.
I want to be good at office work! So when I find the job I actually want to do, I can be ready for it with all my office knowledge and experience!
I want to be poor!
Wait a minute. Ok that is the only thing I changed that bites. Oh well. Can't have it all I guess.
But you can try to make efforts to have some. And that is what I am attempting. Wish me luck!
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