Last night I came to a very scary realization...

After a night of heavy drinking and seeing shows and bowling in the glow of various blacklights, I ended up at a friend's birthday party during what is known as the "weird hour," about 130am or so. During this end of the night social hour, I decided to try to teach a guy the "Mc Donalds" little girls' slapping hand routine from childhood. I am sure some are familiar--"Big Mac, Filet of Fish, Quarter Pounder, French Fries, Icy Coke, Thick Shake, Sundaes and Apple Pie..." you know the rest. We half chanted, half sung this song as we executed various seemingly elaborate hand slaps and snaps and such. It was thrilling as a little girl, trust me.

Well the guy didn't know it, so the female stranger next to him pushed him away and took over with gusto, which was very pleasing to me.

As this was going on, another friend came out and, inspired by the Micky Dee's routine, he proceeded to spout out some song he had learned as a child in which every single mother-loving menu item is recited in record speed. It was incredible. And oddly unsettling.

THEN, the original guy I was attempting to teach my slap hand routine, busted out with a song from camp that sounded vaguely familiar from days long gone. It went something like this:

A-Pizza Hut!
A-Pizza Hut!
Kentucky Fried Chicken and
A-Pizza Hut!
Mc Donalds!
Mc Donalds!
Kentucky Fried Chicken and
A-Pizza Hut!

--and so on.

Holy shit, I thought to myself, we have so many references from childhood to these fast food chains that we are now FINALLY realizing are so awful for us and contribute to this country's sense of gluttony and big, Big, BIG! It has been ingrained in us like so much church propaganda! The Church of Fast Food? Yikes.

Anyway this thought went along with another thought I had earlier in the week, about if babies whose mothers eat Mc Donalds when pregnant give their offspring a taste of the addictive qualities of Mc Donalds so early on, that they come out wanting it all the time and already hooked on whatever additives they put in the fries and shit that make it so good and such an intense craving sometimes.

Almost like a crack baby, but for Mc Donalds.

I really worry about those children. They may be the same ones whose mothers give them coca-cola in a bottle, forcing them to rot their teeth early and have gold and silver teeth by age 4.

But I guess now that bling grills are in style, its not so bad for those kids. And they can always be passified by a quick stop for a Happy Meal.