This morning I had some extra time to lay down on the couch before work. It was one of those mornings when I was actually able to get up and get entirely ready, then opt to lay back down and close my eyes for a moment. I think I may have experienced a small reverie without really trying, which was weird.

I thought of my parents, how predictable their lives were, how they have been paying some of the same bills for over 20 years, how practical and careful they were with money. Then I thought of our family trips that were routine--Kayucos to be precise, and how we went every Fourth of July for at least 4 years...

I thought of being a child, then a preteen, and bringing my best friend each year. How we looked for hermit crabs and starfish in the endless stretch of tide pools near our condo. How we tried to get tan and burned our skin angry lobster red. I remember how content my mother was to pack our lunches and park herself on the beach all day while we avoided her like the plague and looked for cute boys our age.
I even remember late at night, hearing the waves crash as I tried to fall asleep in a scratchy old plaid sleeping bag near the sliding glass door of the rented living room.

It was in Kayucos that I realized what "queef" meant. It was in Kayucos that I created the scar that would stay in the area between my eyes to this day. It was in Kayucos that I tested the limits of my curfews and tiptoed around my parents to get away with what seemed like murder. It was where I found peace listening to the waves and staring at a family of hermit crabs for hours. It was where I found amazing treasures at a flea market. It was where I first played UNO with the big kids and felt accepted...sort of.

My vivid memories came to me easily and brought me a sense of myself. After the (second) alarm went off, I felt refreshed and went on with my day, never thinking twice about all I had re-lived that morning.

But now, as I wind down another day further into my unknown future, I can see that these moments of remembering happen less and less vividly, and I should cherish the times I am able to be transported back to my memories. I can't remember what happened two days ago. It is amazing I can recall all those details about Kayucos.

I only hope that this time in my life, this difficult time that is yet filled with awesome moments of growth and beauty, will be remembered just as vividly years down the line.